I didn't shave. On purpose
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
