Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize