Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
everyone is single if you try hard enough
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
