I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
