TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
