Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
