She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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