piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
