My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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