Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
