She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
