Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I smell like Dick and happiness
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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