We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
