IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
