Plan B is the new Plan A
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You are the jesus of drinking
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
