it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Randomize