i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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