I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
