Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
