I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
