dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
