i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
