i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
