Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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