either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
