is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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