just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
