i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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