i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
