Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
