I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
