I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
