hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
