So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
