I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize