I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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