I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
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