I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
