I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
