u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
