hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Is it because I queefed?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
