Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
