Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
