She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
