I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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