put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
