Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
