dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
