so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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