remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
nutella sex= disaster
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
