So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
