Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I have fence marks all over my body
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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