sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
