When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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