Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
