dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
