Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Randomize
