Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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