one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
