I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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